In my private practice I am often approached by parents who want me to help their child with anger management. I tell them I don't help children "manage" their anger. I do help kids understand where their angry feelings come from, however, and to find productive ways of expressing anger. I also help parents deal intelligently with young children (and some with disabilities) who lack the cognitive skills or maturity to get a handle on their emotions. "Anger management" sounds like something akin to managing a dangerous animal, and I deal with human beings.
In my experience, most anger originates in psychological pain or trauma. Depression, shame and guilt typically accompany it. It is ludicrous, therefore, to try to separate anger from its handmaidens. The therapist must deal with whole, and messy, ball of wax.
The psychodynamic psychotherapy I do starts with an understanding of anger as the behavioral manifestation of deeper feelings. I ask how anger is expressed, under what conditions, and to whom. I keep in mind the fact that anger is often displaced: an innocent bystander may receive the treatment the angry person would really like to visit on someone else! I usually mention that acting angry feels pretty darn good, momentarily at least, and that anger is as helpful as physical pain, because it tells us we need close attention.
Since most kids find it more comfortable to act out their anger than to experience the psychological pain that underlies it, it takes time to locate the point of trauma. Once the origin of anger has been identified, feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame typically materialize and must be addressed. Conscious recognition that psychological injuries sustained may not be undone -- and that scars remain -- leads first to feelings of depression, but ultimately to acceptance. This approach usually makes "anger management" unnecessary.
Educators and child care workers to not have the training, luxury of time, or place to conduct psychotherapy, however. They may engage in management of surface behavior, or use more sophisticated approaches such as Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) or Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI). These are discussed elsewhere in this blog.
In my experience, most anger originates in psychological pain or trauma. Depression, shame and guilt typically accompany it. It is ludicrous, therefore, to try to separate anger from its handmaidens. The therapist must deal with whole, and messy, ball of wax.
The psychodynamic psychotherapy I do starts with an understanding of anger as the behavioral manifestation of deeper feelings. I ask how anger is expressed, under what conditions, and to whom. I keep in mind the fact that anger is often displaced: an innocent bystander may receive the treatment the angry person would really like to visit on someone else! I usually mention that acting angry feels pretty darn good, momentarily at least, and that anger is as helpful as physical pain, because it tells us we need close attention.
Since most kids find it more comfortable to act out their anger than to experience the psychological pain that underlies it, it takes time to locate the point of trauma. Once the origin of anger has been identified, feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame typically materialize and must be addressed. Conscious recognition that psychological injuries sustained may not be undone -- and that scars remain -- leads first to feelings of depression, but ultimately to acceptance. This approach usually makes "anger management" unnecessary.
Educators and child care workers to not have the training, luxury of time, or place to conduct psychotherapy, however. They may engage in management of surface behavior, or use more sophisticated approaches such as Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) or Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI). These are discussed elsewhere in this blog.
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