Kids who act out almost always seem like "good kids" on a one-to-one basis, and many interact well with therapists, school administrators and teachers. Although a handful are manipulative of adults, and curry favor only so they may be forgiven their sins, in fact most are looking for some connection to someone upon whom they can rely. It is when they are away from such an adult -- and under the influence of a psychologically powerful peer or the peer group -- trouble starts. The many teachers I have known will describe such a student starting with the words, "He's really a great kid, but . . . ."
I have only recently started working with a young man who -- together with two friends -- has been charged with felonies for theft of city property. I will call him Chad. Anticipating a difficult legal battle, Chad's attorney has collected statements from his teachers, all of whom speak to his gentle nature and good motivation in school. They are uniformly positive and supportive. Yet, it is also true Chad has two prior arrests for possession of alcohol, and that he is well known to the local police. You see, Chad was abandoned as an infant, for his parents were drug addicts who were involved in prostitution, fraud, and other criminal activities. His parents were arrested on serial occasions. Chad was raised by his aunt and uncle.
I have met with Chad on five occasions, and have been impressed by his friendly and accepting approach to nearly everything: his crimes, the charges he is facing, his parents' behavior, the fact that he was abandoned. He is polite and soft-spoken. He has interests in the arts. He doesn't get easily rattled, and doesn't rock the boat by being verbally aggressive or physically abusive. He is a "really a great kid."
Although Sigmund Freud might be a good therapist to such an acting-out young man, it certainly wouldn't take Freud to figure out why Chad might be harboring anger under that placid exterior.
Another kid in pain.
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